Parenting experts come and go. My parent’s generation had Spock, (the pediatrician, not the Vulcan). My generation had Terry Brazelton and a myriad of others. By the way, whenever I use the word “myriad” I think of the movie Heathers, but I digress.
I figure you know you’ve really made it as a parenting guru if your name has been turned into a verb, as in, “Have you tried to Ferberize the baby yet?”
But I think all of us have really missed the boat when it comes to parenting advice from humans. We should be taking a page from the animal kingdom. My husband and daughter were watching PBS‘s science program, NOVA, the other night … a welcome break from Degrassi, I might add.
The featured species on this particular special was the cowbird, or as they are sometimes known, the gangster bird. Bada bing! The Brown Headed North American Cowbird is known as a parasitic bird species, found in North America and south of the Arctic.
I know you’re wondering where I’m going with this, but bear with me. The reason these birds are called parasites is that instead of building their own nests, incubating their own eggs, and raising their own nestlings, cowbird females use other species as hosts.
They lay their eggs in the nests of other birds, relying on these hosts to incubate and raise their chicks. But, here’s the rub…if they don’t, they come back and kill them. Yes, you heard me. If the other bird refuses the cowbird egg, the female cowbird comes back to kill her.
Just think, if you had a particularly troublesome child you would have the option of giving it to another family. “Just remember, if junior doesn’t get at least a 1900 on his SAT, I may come back and kill you.” Pretty effective I’d say. You could watch your child succeed from a distance. No need to bother with the busy sports calendar or after school schedule. No driving carpool. No dealing with adolescent angst. No changing dirty diapers. And this new family would have to do a good job raising your child….or else!
We could form cowbird mom networking groups, hold seminars on finding the perfect host family. Or we could just use the threat of cowbirding to illicit all sorts of good behavior. “Take out that trash or I’ll send you to live with another family who’ll make sure you do.” The possibilities are endless, really.
